disclaimer: this post is not directed at anyone in particular or meant to cause anger or hurtful feelings; if you feel you cannot read without assuming that I'm talking about you personally....then please read at your own risk
Sometimes I feel like I’m Hester Prynne. You know, the woman with the scarlet letter. No, no, no....I am no way an adulterer. Not at all….but, in a way, I have been branded. I wear the letter "C". The reason for my scarlet letter…. I’m over the age of 40, married, and childless. Bless my heart....that’s right….I said CHILDLESS. Some people assume I just don’t like children. Some people probably think I’m just selfish or self involved. And, worst of all, some people just look at me sadly; like I'm missing some great secret of the world. Now, unfortunately because of these assumptions, I do think I get treated differently by a number of people. People I don't know. People I do know. People I know well. People I know well that have children….
It was not always in my plan to become an adult, get married, and to remain childless. In fact, my mother tells me that when I was a young girl and people would ask me what I wanted to do when I grew up I would say…."have lots of babies and live at home with my mom and daddy". Now, I’m certain my parents are happy that it didn’t turn out that way….especially since I never mentioned a husband at that time. Anyhow….I regress.
You see….there was a time after Jon and I got married that we didn’t take precautions for not getting pregnant. We believed if it happened….great! And, if it didn’t happen….great! We didn’t want to plan anything and we certainly were not one of those couples that had a “roadmap” for having a child. We did not think about it constantly. If it was meant to be it would be. However, it just didn’t happen. It just wasn’t something that was in our life’s plan….God's will....whatever you chose to call it. We are okay with that. Jon and I both feel secure in who we are and how much we love each other….without having children in our lives. In fact, there are times when I’m thankful that I am not raising a child in our society and culture. It’s always other people that don’t understand why we seem so content….they think its tragic.
An effect of that and the part of not having a child that makes me feel like I’m sometimes wearing the scarlet letter of childlessness is that it does isolate us from couples – and friends - who do have children. I sense that some people think that Jon and I "shun" the idea of hanging out with them if their children are around. Or attending functions with couples and children. Family affairs. It is a truthful statement to say that Jon and I rarely get invited to the family type BBQ’s or kid friendly parties. Instead, we are the couple that “parties”…. the people to call if you want to get wild and crazy. Or so everyone thinks. So.....because of this, we get invited to the rare nights out on the town, drinking festivals, or the kid-free events only. Now, granted, we do like to do those things too. I think our reputations in our college years (and many years after) proceed us both in this aspect. But now....rarely do we "party". The reality of it all is that we lead a pretty laid back lifestyle. And we like it. And we like to be around our friends! We like who our friends are...children and all!
I do feel blessed that we have many children in our life through Jon's band programs, my nephews, and our friends who aren't afraid to expose their children to the Brady's. And I know that children like us. We still have many former band students that remain in our lives now - as adults - because we knew them as children. It's usually our peers - people our age or older - who question our ability to socialize with children. Unfortunately, its a horrible stigma to bear....a scarlet letter of sorts....my letter "C"....and food for thought for those of you who don't understand.
